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The Girl Behind the Art


Maybe I should focus on one type of art but my personality just won't allow it. It is the process of creation that I get lost in. I often paint in the middle of the night, when the world feels quiet. I am an Artist, a Writer and a Registered Nurse. Each art piece has an accompanying written story that ranges from addressing painful human experiences to clever and whimsical stories about invented fish. Each piece sits on a timeline in my life either before, during or after an eating disorder. My art continues to evolve in line with my own personal growth and healing. I live in Boise Idaho. I have 3 dogs, a wonderfully supportive partner and a very messy art studio. 

THE story BEHIND THE ART

Much of my art is a visual exploration of a silent human struggle, the struggle of feeling like we are never enough. My art explores my own 25 year journey of addiction which included anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, body dysmorphia, self esteem issues, abuse, bullying, family suicide and well, let's just summarize this as a long journey of just thinking I was never enough and I never would be, but It is not just my story. It is your story, or your daughters, or your sons, or your friends or a family member or a coworker or an acquaintance or it is the story of someone you don't know yet. What I do know is that everyone is touched by this feeling of not being enough. Through art I have fought my way through pain and suffering. For so many years I could not express in words what I was feeling, instead my art spoke for me and to me. It was through my art that I revealed my inner world, saw it, addressed it, and I eventually re connected to others and to a deeper part of myself. Today I am a happy healthy human, still trying to be perfect sometimes, making lots of mistakes but grateful and with a knowing that I am enough and deserve love and kindness from myself and others. I share my art today in hopes to help remove the shame and silence around eating disorders, body dysmorphia, self esteem issues, abuse, bullying, suicide and that silent struggle that so many have, that feeling of not being enough. When you don’t have the words to express how you are feeling, struggling or recovering, my art is there for you to be your voice when you are silent.

The Process 

My work explores the relationship between letting go and my need for control. I first grant myself permission to play with materials and to not be attached to the outcome. I begin with the movement of paint across canvas, blending and smearing colors often with my fingers. Shapes and textures form and images are revealed to me. I begin the act of controlling the boundaries to make the image more visible, often cutting out shapes or painting controlled detailed lines using a paint brush as thin as toothbrush thistle. With each piece of work I see the struggle of the human spirit; to let go, be free, to play without boundaries verses the constraints of needing to control the details of life, interactions and the manners for which we accomplish things. Within each piece there is a duality of this act of letting go and the need for control.

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