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It is the process of creation that I get lost in. I often paint in the middle of the night, when the world feels quiet. I am an Artist, a Writer and a Registered Nurse. Each art piece has an accompanying written story that ranges from addressing painful human experiences to clever and whimsical stories about invented fish. My art continues to evolve in line with my own personal growth and healing. I live in Boise Idaho. I have 3 dogs, a wonderfully supportive partner and a very messy art studio.
There are so many ways to look at one thing. Maybe that is why I turn my canvas when I paint and paint in different directions. I use mixed media and acrylics to add layers down. I begin with the movement of paint across canvas, sometimes blending and smearing colors with my fingers. Shapes and textures form and images are revealed to me. A final piece often has 2-3 paintings underneath; each one a different story, emotion or interaction with the world that I am trying to process. Painting has been a way to get pain, sadness, hurt and shame out of me. Painting is also how I process where I am in the world. Sometimes I cry into the paint, sometimes I get angry and push paint around with my fingers, sometimes I just enjoy how paint and materials can be moved across canvas. Through sharing my art I have found a deeper connection to myself and to the world around. Through creativity, I have come to see my own potential in the world, which has led me to become the woman artist I am today.
My art explores my own 25 year journey of addiction which included anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, body dysmorphia, self esteem issues, abuse, bullying, family suicide and well, I have had a long journey of feeling like I was never enough and I never would be, but It is not just my story. As I have opened up about my own struggles, I have come to understand more that I am truly not alone and never was. The feeling of not being enough is an all too common feeling. Through art I have fought my way through pain and suffering. For so many years I could not express in words what I was feeling, instead my art spoke for me and to me. It was through my art that I revealed my inner world, saw it, addressed it, and I eventually re connected to others and to a deeper part of myself. Today I am a happy healthy human, still trying to be perfect sometimes, making lots of mistakes but grateful and with a knowing that I am enough and deserve love and kindness from myself and others. I share my art today in hopes to help remove the shame and silence around eating disorders, body dysmorphia, self esteem issues, abuse, bullying, suicide and that silent struggle that so many have, that feeling of not being enough. When you don’t have the words to express how you are feeling, struggling or recovering, maybe my art may be there for you, to be your voice when you are silent.
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